Right Now I Hate Everything…Even Myself.

 

It’s been a few weeks since I’ve had the pleasure to sit down and type out my thoughts in blog form.  I tell myself it’s because I have my hands full, but if I’m being honest with myself, that’s not true. It’s because I feel, well,….stuck.

I know I’m not the only one out there experiencing these feelings that seem to keep me stuck.  Some days I want to shout from the rooftops and yell “HELP! IS ANYBODY OUT THERE!?”  And other days I just freeze up and stay in a somewhat numb state, telling myself “I can’t handle this anymore!” I start to sulk and play the victim with lines like “this was supposed to be such a wonderful, memorable time with my first born baby girl and it’s all so terrible!”

I’ve often taken on the attitude of “I hate everything.”…. “I hate the news. I hate the virus. I hate the masks. I hate social media. I hate the President. I hate Joe Biden. I hate conservatives. I hate liberals. I hate the world. I hate the movements. I hate what people think. In fact, I’m starting to hate people as a whole and even hate myself.”

This is SO uncharacteristic of me.  I love people. I love peace. I love joy. It’s where I thrive. And yet here I am, full of hate.  In times of uncertainty I’m supposed to turn to God (which I do in the morning and sometimes other times as well.)  But I’ve been turning to so many other things when my heart has gotten uncertain.

(There it is folks!)

I start turning to my phone, the news, social media etc. when I feel unsatisfied and there I find myself filling my mind with worthless garbage and then guess what comes out of me? Garbage!  It’s funny because I tell my kids that “what goes in must come out. So don’t fill your mind or your ears with crap TV and music.” And here I am, a full on hypocrite.

It’s this awful internal battle happening when I see what’s happening and I want to yell to people God’s truth (especially on social media) and I forget that some people just don’t want to hear it.

I learned a new verse this week, not just in reading but by experiencing. Oh isn’t that the most painful of all teachers? It says this…”Don’t give that which is holy to the dogs, neither throw your pearls before the pigs, lest perhaps they trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces.” (Matthew 7:6.) Jesus appears to be warning his disciples to preach only before receptive audiences.

Ouch! My audience surely was NOT receptive. I threw my pearls of wisdom to pigs and boy did they tear me to pieces!  So not only was I already feeling burdened because of what we are experiencing, I then was burdened because of the persecution I received.

There’s a good lesson here.  I kept lying to myself… or maybe it was satan (still not sure.)  But basically I was fooling myself to believe that persecution comes with the territory of being a Christian, so I kept putting myself out there.  And while it is true, we will be persecuted for our faith, it doesn’t mean we preach to those that never wanted to hear it in the first place.  Jesus and his disciples spoke to those that came to them with an open heart, seeking answers. We can plant a seed but not a whole sermon unless it’s asked of us.

I pray that my failure leads to you not making the same mistake.  Learn from me.

So with this post, I vow to do better. I vow to fill up on what is good!! Those things that are really good for my soul.  Bible time and coffee. My babies giggles. Watering my garden. Calling a friend.  Facetiming my parents. Lighting a delicious candle and just sitting in my favorite space with a book.  Making a good salad. Doing an awesome workout. Taking a walk and looking at the birds and the flowers and trees.  Sitting outside at night starting at the moon and the stars…..

My soul needs this reminder: while we are in these uncertain times, there is one thing we can be certain of: “God is Good, ALL.THE.TIME!”

God bless you and keep you. May his face shine upon you and be gracious to you… as He is and has always been to me.

XOXO

PS. If you are like me and you’re feeling a little more persecuted then normal then our next virtual study is the study for you. We will put on the “Armor of God.” We start this coming Monday the 10th.
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Weekly Recap + Dose of Truth

Dose of Truth

Well you guys, it was a tough week. This week I stood next to my best friend as she laid her dad to rest.  “Shouldn’t that be our grandparents?” one of my friends said.  What made it kind of shocking was that for the first time, one of the girls in our little group, lost a parent.  It hurt all of us and reminded us in a very real way that life is fleeting.  But in every trial, there is a dose of truth.

For me this dose was a picture of perfection and I had to share it with you. It wasn’t a message I was expecting but God knew what our hearts needed to hear and maybe yours does too.

If I’m honest, sometimes I tune out at these kinds of things.  But this time the priest had my full attention for some reason. He started by saying “let me take the focus off the pain and sadness onto what is actually happening for your loved one John.”  I thought to myself “Oh brother! Same old sermon.”

He said, “Think about this. You wait 9 months when you have a child to see your babies face. When you finally do, how happy are you? The wait is over and it’s one of the most powerful moments a person feels. Now, also think about this. What if you were blind and suddenly you could see?  You see a flower for the first time. Then you see the trees. Next the inside of your home. You say to the person you’re with “show me more!” If the very next day you could go back to being blind, would you? This is how your loved one is feeling right now. He’s waited his whole life to see Jesus’ face, not just 9 months. And it is the single most powerful moment he has and will ever experience.  And being in heaven is like seeing for the first time. Trust me when I tell you he does not want to go back to being blind!”

Having just had a child a few short months ago, this was a powerful picture for me. Can you imagine what it feels like to see Jesus!?  Then the priest told us he had a homework assignment for us.  He said anytime we see a mother or father holding a baby in the weeks to come, think about John. He said “that’s how Jesus is holding him right now. He has finally returned to his father and Jesus is never going to let him go.”

I don’t know about you but my heart needs to remember this. The Bible says “don’t be transformed by this world but by the renewal of your mind. So you can prove what is good, acceptable and perfect.” (Romans 12: 2). As hard as it is to lose someone, or go through trials, we have to renew our minds daily to remind ourselves that this world is temporary. If we are clinging to this world, death would be that much harder but if we are clinging to God’s truth we will remember that death is life. And it is God’s good and perfect will for us. I read this week in Ecclesiastes “there is nothing better in this life then to be happy and do good.”  If we can really fix our eyes on Jesus, be happy and do good, I believe we’d hold the key to this life and the next.

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Weekly Recap

(click on images to purchase)

My Outfits of the week:
Headed out for date day in this oversized shirt, my favorite denim shorts and my espadrille wedges! All under $30!
Had a mini-vaycay without the kids to the dentist lol. Love this boho blush top and another favorite denim short. And these sweet sandals are easily becoming my go to summer shoes.
What I’m packing for our kids beach trip:
Loving all these sweet outfits and rock and roll tee’s. Can’t wait to see my handsome blond hair boy in these with a little beach tan to go with it.
Love all these pretty outfits for Scarlett’s suitcase. Especially our mommy and me tops for the Fourth!
Technology Finds:
My new phone case and loop ring for easy holding along with a match air buds case! Sometimes you just have to remind yourself to smile!
This Weeks DEALS:
$50 for $20!
Summer Cardigan $22
Summer Cardigan $16.98
RIbbed Tank comes in many colors $7
Free People Style Top $12
$40 for $16
Off the shoulder floral top $12
$30 for $12 comes in many colors
Button down balloon sleeve comes in different colors. Was $28 now $11.20!
Kitchen Finds for Fam and Kids:
The best toddler cups! Spill Proof and makes them feel like a big kid. Comes in girly styles too!
The best little divider plates. Has grips on bottom for high chair trays.
Family microwavable plates…so pretty and only 79 cents!

 

Check back next week for a little faith inspo and what I’m packing for our family vaycay!

Stay Fabulous Mama!

XOXO,

Jill

Weekly Recap + A Dose of Truth

A Dose of Truth

“Sing truth. Speak truth. Seek Truth.”

I’ve been spending so much time seeking truth over the matters at hand the last 3 months. The Spirit is softly whispering to me that something just isn’t quite right. In seeking, I’ve stumbled, gotten back up, stumbled again and gotten back up again. I’ve prayed for discernment, that God make clear to me what is real and what is not.  Here’s the kicker, no matter how far I thought I was getting, I was still constantly feeling uneasy.  And that’s because I was seeking for truth in all the wrong places.

God always comes through though. That discernment and clear message I asked for found its way in my inbox.  And I was given the “ok” to share it with you all. Here is the truth, God’s truth, by my friend, Sherry March.

Pontius Pilate asked, “what is truth?”
I picture him saying it as a toss-away, shoulder-shrugging “Eh? Your truth, my truth.  What is truth?”
In this plugged-in age, the “truth” flies at you like poison darts from every direction and you can’t duck fast enough to escape being pierced?  You anxiously hope for only the “real” truth arrows to bury themselves under your skin.  Let the other truths, the relative truths, the subjective truths clatter harmlessly to the floor.
Jesus said, “You shall know the truth and the truth will set you free.” (John 8:32)
Oh boy.  There’s the rub.  How do we recognize that truth?  And what does it mean to be set free?  Of what?  How?  How can one little word carry such heavy weight of responsibility?
From a perfect blue sky, the sun radiates onto lush greens of every shade.  Flowers bloom in every vibrant color found in nature.  Birds are chirping and a gentle breeze stirs my hair as I sit by the open window typing my thoughts to you.  This is true for me, for here, for now.  Where you are may be gray and drizzly; that is true for you.  While our two truths differ, the truth of God’s hand, creating both sunlight and clouds is the ultimate truth that stands indisputably above our individual truths now and always.
These are troubled days.  Just miles from my idyllic setting are people gripped in rage and despair; others are caught up in sorrow, confusion and fear.  Funerals, marches, riots, and protests draw raw and angry crowds.  Prayer vigils and peaceful gatherings unite sad and broken hearts.  All seek an outlet to ease the pain of death, disease or social and racial injustice.  All seek truth.
Politicians, pundits, and passersby all have opinions and plans; all point to the source, the cause, the perpetrators of every ill or misdeed, or outrage; natural or man-made.  But too often the “facts” prove false, the causes are questionable, the solutions less than sound. Distrust and suspicion foul the air and we are left wondering who’s telling the truth.
Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we had a Pinocchio Principle to weed out the lies?  Remember Geppetto, who carved himself a wooden puppet? Magic happened while the kindly old man slept, dreaming of a son.  “If you prove yourself brave, truthful and unselfish, you will become a real boy,” said the fairy waving her wand, bringing puppet Pinocchio to life.  She sent a cricket named Jiminy to help steer him on the righteous road.  But every temptation and trap, detour and dastardly deed the wide world offers, lured Pinocchio from his righteous path. Along with captivity in a cage, the tail of a donkey with ears to match, and wailing in a whale, who can forget his consequence for lying? That’s right, the nose grows.
What if Washington DC, the pit of politics, operated under this principle.  What if news sources and Twitter trolls were forced to follow the fairy’s terms?  What if false prophets and product pitchmen fell under the same spell? Speak truth or watch out!  The halls of Congress wouldn’t be long enough to hold the prominent proboscises.  Newsrooms would be nose-rooms.  Clarity, at last!  You lie!  I spy! I spy the evidence of your prevarication right there, and there, and all the way out to….there.
But wait!  We have something better. We have the Truth.
Jesus said, “I am the way, the truth, and the life.” (John 14:6a)
When we are disciples of Jesus, the truth is right there in His Word.  Scripture provides all we need to establish the boundaries for our lives; right and wrong, fact or fiction, good and evil.  Every decision we make or action we take can be determined by the wisdom in the pages of the Bible.  In concept and intent—if not in exact detail — Jesus has illustrated and demonstrated our way forward.
When we surrendered our lives to Him as Lord and Savior, He sent His Advocate. John 16:13 says, “When the spirit of truth comes, He will guide you into all truth.” That Spirit, the Holy Spirit abides in us and with Him comes all wisdom. “Then you will understand what it right, just and fair, and you will find the right way to go.  For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will fill you with joy.” (Proverbs 2:9-10)
Pinocchio was a lucky boy.  He was saved by the love of his “father” Geppetto.  But you and I are favored ever-so-much more.  We are blessed and saved by the love of our Heavenly Father.  Our conscience resides, not perched on our shoulder like Jiminy Cricket, but deep in our hearts and souls in the person of the Holy Spirit.
He will fill us with wisdom if we ask Him.  He will show us the way if we listen to Him.  He will discern the Truth for us if we seek Him.  The world desperately needs Truth, the truth that frees us from sin; from the ungodly, the immoral, the questionable. Our choice is between the shallow offerings of the secular world or the deep, soul enriching gifts of the Spirit.  Let’s choose Him.
Though we love a fairy tale like Pinocchio from a storybook, we should share the truth from the Good Book. Let’s weigh the “worlds” truth against the Word’s truth. Long noses would be hilarious proof of public perfidy, but we’ve got Jesus.  And with Jesus, we have everything we need to discern the truth so we can flourish and become holy in His image.
“Make them holy by your truth; teach them your word, which is truth.” (John 17:17)
By: Sherry March
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Weekly Recap

Best Sellers of the Week:

**My favorite leather style back pack or over the shoulder diaper bag under $40 here

**The $5 tees from Target here!

**Baby girls Fourth of July outfit available here

**Women’s Fourth of July Top here
**Women’s jean shorts from American Eagle on sale here
Posts of the Week
Product of the week:
This takes out EVERYTHING!! Carpets, couches etc..

 

Sales Going On Now:

American Eagle Up to 60% off

OLD NAVY // Up to 50% off everything on sale.